Grace McCaffery

Grace is the bean under the circle (the circle is the yolk sac)

My Lord, the baby is dead !

Why, my Lord – dare I ask why ? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face – it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord ?

Why, My child – do you ask ‘why’ ? Well, I will tell you why

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty – he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so that the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool – forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.

-Mother M. Angelica.

It's been over a month now, that we lost our sweet baby.  I was 7 weeks and 5 days along.  I had a feeling something was wrong when I started spotting on New Years Eve.  By Friday, (1/4) it was getting worse so my Dr. squeezed me in for an ultrasound.  I saw our little bean, with the heart beating at a perfect 126/min.  The baby was measuring a little smaller than it should have, but the Dr. kept assuring me that everything was fine.  The heartbeat is strong, some women spot and bleed, etc.  I left feeling very optimistic!  I had no reason not to believe the Dr.  

Unfortunately I lost the baby the next day on January 5.  I was heartbroken.  Sean was heartbroken.  I had JUST seen the heart beat!  I had prayed that God bless us with another baby for so long... and I had to say goodbye already?  The boys were sad too, but I loved their faith.  Cullen asked if the baby had to do math in Heaven.  Finn reminded me that our baby could eat ice cream for breakfast in Heaven.  :)  Nightly, the boys would say prayers to Grace before bed.

Notre Dame was playing in the championship game in Miami on January 7th.  Sean had already bought a ticket to the game, airfare, hotel...  We made the decision for him to go to the game.  There was nothing else he could do at home, we would just sit around sad.  We named our baby Grace and decided to bury her on campus at our favorite spot.  I know that's probably against the law, but I don't care.

We buried Grace in this box that Cullen made at Vacation Bible School.

The morning after Grace went to Heaven, Sean took this picture on the airplane.

A little glimpse to how beautiful Heaven is??

A reminder that God is good.

We buried our sweet Grace under this tree.

I've always loved Notre Dame, but now we are truly leaving a part of ourselves here.

Right by Lake Saint Mary, where we have walked this path MANY times with the boys.

We have fed the ducks here countless times.  Where you clearly hear the Basilica bells

chiming.  Our favorite spot.

I left this chaplet with Grace.

 It was given to me by a friend at the rosary.  Father O'Connor blessed it for me at the Grotto.

The prayer is perfect.

THEY SO LOVED THIS PLACE

 So many days we have sat on this bench, watching the boys feed the ducks 

and throw rocks and sticks into the water.  I've always liked this bench because

WE SO LOVED THIS PLACE too... not just Notre Dame, but THIS SPOT.

WE SO LOVE THIS PLACE

Here it is, our favorite place on campus.  I'm at the bench, the boys are throwing rocks on the thin ice on the water.  Grace is buried under the tree just left of Finn.  Our life is going on.

I feel so blessed to have such a supportive family and friends.  So many people have shared their miscarriage stories with me. It's been helpful.  Some things that have stayed in my heart...  Cullen's teacher told me she lost her first baby early too, after seeing a heartbeat.  Her priest told her to pick a name for her child and decide if it were a boy or girl.  Also that child will be next to Jesus as you enter into Heaven, it will be one of the first faces you see.  And how lucky we are... not many people get a picture of an angel in Heaven that loves and prays for you!

I also read online not to forget that our little baby is a great intercessor before God, always wanting to help us and is always praying for us.  Grace knows/feels the love we have for her and all the love we would've given her had we had the chance to raise her.

It has been a really sad time for us, but I trust that God has a perfect plan for our family!